There is no reason the film needed to be in 3D besides the inflated ticket price. Nispel’s constant shaky camera during scenes involving fast movement or running causes the 3D effect to quickly make you sick and distraught. The post converted 3D is one of the worst jobs done since Clash of the Titans (2010). I want balls to the wall killing provided by a massive killing machine. I don’t want a corny story with small moments of CGI inserted blood. When I watch Conan I want to watch a huge warrior destroy hundreds of people in all sorts of ways. Most of the killing is done the practical route, with blood spurting from chest cavities and body parts flying off left and right, but occasionally the film has some spotty CGI that completely runs everything before it. The other good thing about Conan is the blood and chaos. For what it’s worth he does a great job and makes the character shine in an otherwise forgettable film. He can’t carry a film if there is no director on board to help anchor the performance. Jason Momoa tries his hardest to breathe life into the character of Conan, but not one other person cares to help him out. The way he spits out such nice lines while ripping someone’s arm off his hilarious and fun. He sports one hell of a beard and a calm and quiet set of dialogue that accompanies his battle hungry personality. Ron Perlman seems to be the only one who understands how Conan could work. From the laughable opening scene with her as a child to the ending, you never find a reason for her characters existence. Her character is ugly, annoying and majorly pointless. His daughter is played by Rose McGowan, who provides one of the worst performances of the year. He’s the worst kind of villain, one that doesn’t matter. He’s only bad because Nispel constantly inserts scenes of him killing innocent people. Stephen Lang simply spits out drool and slime as Zym. Part of the reason why that doesn’t work is the acting. There are several sequences that hint at simply having a good time while Conan dismembers dozens of nameless soldiers, but then it sinks into the mud trying to establish a story worth telling. I was hoping for the second, but we ended up getting something in the middle. The film needs to either be serious, which requires solid acting from everyone and a story with proper pacing or the film could be completely campy, full of gore and killing, with little dialogue. What this new Conan needs to do is establish a tone. The original is no Oscar winner, but it’s extremely cheesy and fun at times. Conan looks, sounds and feels like a generic barbarian tale, not a reboot of a “classic” 80’s film. He simply sits behind the camera and films whatever he sees, without interrupting and adding his own stamp. He’s the worst kind of director for a film like Conan. He has no visual style and no interesting storytelling methods to help ease the pain. He does absolutely nothing with the film to make it something special or unique. The biggest problem the film faces from start to finish is Marcus Nispel. Insert buckets of blood, lots of dirt and grime and some serious laughable dialogue and you have Conan. In his search for Zym Conan runs into the pure blood named Tamara ( Rachel Nichols) and decides that he can use her to get to Zym. Zym and his hideous daughter Marique ( Rose McGowan) are on the final stages of completing the ritual, which will give Zym more power to rule the lands and awaken his dead wife, who was hunted down and killed because of her evil sorcery. Along his journey to power he slaughters Conan’s village, leaving only Conan to live. The evil Khalar Zym ( Stephen Lang) is thirsty for a power that can only be obtained once an ancient mask is pieced together and a pure blood is sacrificed. His mother is killed upon his birth and his father (played by Ron Perlman) is murdered years later while Conan is a young child, training for battle. Conan the Barbarian (2011) is a pointless reboot that breaks no barriers and offers nothing new.Ĭonan ( Jason Momoa) is born on the battlefield, covered in blood and guts. It’s not an over-the-top violent romp of a film that can be enjoyed with popcorn and it’s not a good quality film with a gripping tale to be told. Conan only works because of leading star Jason Momoa, who gives it his all despite the poor efforts by the rest of the cast and lack of direction by Nispel. He’s a gun for hire and his latest reboot is full of bloody violence, a digestible story and paper thin characters. Director Marcus Nispel is known for taking popular films and remaking them with little spirit. It’s no surprise that Conan the Barbarian (2011) is a dull and lifeless picture.
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